Friday, December 2, 2011

Change is in the air

There are some things you should know about me.

1. I am starving in the morning. Unfortunately for my waist line I am not one of those gals that can say..oh I'm not hungry...I'll just wait for my baby greens at lunch. When I wake up I have two thoughts COFFEE and FOOD!

This is my ideal breakfast. Coffee and sausage gravy with buttermilk biscuits.You can view the gravy recipe-with pictures- here. It's totally worth it I promise!

This is the view that greeted me when I looked out my front door. The only good thing I can say is that at least it's already been plowed.

The view out of the patio door when I let the old lady out to do her business was much better. Kinda looks like God is sending rays of happiness down right? You can see where the big dog frolicked last night.

I have about a billion things to do today. I have to work a double at the sushi restaurant.(can anyone tell me why I keep taking jobs at restaurants when they cause me so much mental pain???.....OH YEAH a constant paycheck. Blah blah.) I was hoping to get the Christmas tree decorated and maybe even some decorations on the front of the house since it's already the second. But it looks like it's going to take a few more days to get in the holiday spirit. I have to write out all my Christmas cards as well. Busy Busy!!

Wishes, Prayers, and Kisses!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Free isn't always a good thing

For example TG called me the other day and it went like this(and yes TG I blame you for will pay)

TG: Hey are you still looking for a sofa set for the basement?
SB: Umm yes I guess, not actively searching but if it's there maybe. Why?
TG: My neighbors are moving into an apartment and they are getting rid of a beige leather sofa/loveseat set.
SB: Really? Ok well is it in good shape, do they have pets?
TG: No I don't think they have pets, it's pretty nice there is a little tear on the back of the sofa but that's it.
SB: Ok great let me grab the truck and I will come take a look at it.

Let me break in to say that we are in the progress of finishing up some rooms in our basement and I was planning on having kind of a man/media room. (mostly I want a place for the beau to play army games while I watch my Mad Men and Pan-am in peace)

We are in desperate need of living room furniture, seriously our current living room set is 24 years old and from my parents first house. We are of the buy good the first time and use it until it falls apart mentality and we are almost at the collapsing point. The beau is 6 ft 3 and over 200 lbs so one good sit down and this stuff is just going to give up the ghost. My plan was to put this newish set in the basement then just worry about getting living room furniture.

So the lil sis and I run a few neighborhoods over to TG's house and take a look and sniff at the furniture. It looks good enough for a mostly man cave so we load it up (you can imagine how much fun it was for two gals less then 5'3 loading it into the suv) and make two trips hauling it home and into the garage. Where it sits for about three days.

Let me add that the previous owner asked us if we wanted help loading it, we said no since we were appreciative of them giving it to us and didn't want to put them out. This should have been a hint. People just aren't that nice anymore.

Next week: the beau goes into the garage for groceries and comes back in and says "it smells like cat tinkle out there"(no he didn't really say tinkle..use your imagination) Now since I asked about the pets and did an initial sniff of the furniture I'm assuming it's some of the paint mixed with the garbage can that's causing the smell so we don't even think of the furniture. The next day lil sis and I grab the steam cleaner and the Murphy Oil to detail the furniture before we move it in.

I cannot begin to describe the smell that happened when the steam hit the fabric beneath the cushions. I have smelled community dumps that weren't that bad. They could bottle this stuff and use it instead of mace because I'm sure it'd be just as effective.

At this point I called TG and said umm exsqueeze me I thought they had no pets. This is the classic and unforgettable reply.

TG: Well they just had cats not dogs, they only peed on it maybe a few times.

It makes it ok because they only tinkled on it a few times??? Come again you crazy person? Is this really coming from the person that won't stay in less then a 5 Diamond hotel because she's so high maintenance?

Then I flash back to the previous owners offer to load it up for us. Oh the laugh they must have had when we left. And to think we rushed over there to get it before someone else could. I never thought I would see the time when free was bad. Now I'm afraid to put it out to the curb. I don't want someone else to take it and find out the awful truth when they get home. I'm thinking I'm going to have to put a sign on it. "do not take...smells like cat pee when heated"

Oh TG I see many 2 diamond hotels in your future you stinker!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Ambrosia Recipe that you won't be able to stop eating!

I do believe I'm feeling quite chatty this morning so this will more then likely be a whopper post. But there is a D-Vine recipe for Ambrosia down below so it will all be worth it. No worries!

If you keep up to date with my oh so interesting posts(ha ha right)then you know that I have basically made The Ebay my job. I mean really it's the next best thing to being a personal shopper only you get to take advantage of the merchandise first since it's usually pre-loved and then if you have your smart shopping down you make a profit off it. Perhaps it's just me but that sounds like a heck of a deal. This handbag below was one of my recent purchases and it's what we call "borderline" since I may have a bit more invested then what it needs to be *Minky*(our code word for a good money maker)

Now I really think this handbag is super cute but(there is always a but)it's....faux leather or the horror the horror PLEATHER! I have a thing about my handbags and ok honestly pretty much everything else. I am a staunch believer in *if you can't get the good stuff then just leave it be and walk away*(keeping in mind that since I also refuse to pay retail that it takes a good bit of looking for me to find the good stuff at a price I can swallow).

However it's a fairly decent designer and the price was nice and I think it's a great style with feminine details. The kicker is that is it's also NWOT or new with out tags. So I can't really test drive it with out decreasing the value by a good chunk. Opinions anyone...super cute or give it the boot?
As of yesterday I have started my newest and hopefully best diet. Now myself and just about every gal in my family has some kind of unhealthy eating *situation*. As do most of Americas women I would imagine. My mama will eat popcorn, pumpkin seeds, diet Pepsi and iced tea mon-fri to splurge on sat and sun. My gran is a fan of the no fat cottage cheese and tomato diet with the occasional citrus fruit thrown in and lots of coffee(wonder where I got that habit). I on the other hand just remove all carbs, cheese and get every thing low fat/ no fat that I can. I can say that my diet works great but I am the crankiest person ever when on it. As you can guess I tend toward the *prissy, difficult and demanding* way with out the hunger so it turns me into a monster. Being a monster is not bombshell fabulous it's hideous. This has brought about my new diet. Instead of cutting out everything on the planet that I enjoy I'm just going to cut out the processed stuff. Also canned veggies, fresh or frozen from now on. Whole grain breads and all that also.

Anyways this leads me to my last meal featured above. I call it my *spoiled girl lunch*. It's something my mama and I used to have when I was a bit younger and my daddy would be out of town. A nice piece of steak and some lobster with lemon and butter. It is possibly one of my very favorite foods, and hey not processed! I also feel the need to mention that that is so a salad plate not a dinner plate. Just saying.

This was also kind of a last meal treat but the others got to it right after I made it and I only got a measly small half a container of it hehe.

The D-Vine Ambrosia Salad aka the Mana from heaven
This stuff right here is what we are going to start with. I'm a big fan of the generics on most stuff. I figure corn syrup and red dye number 98237498374 is all pretty much the same.

1 1/2 c Whipped topping
1 c Sour Cream(full fat please)
1 c Mini Marshmallows(white or it looks like..........well lets not say what exactly but colors just don't mix well with the cherries and pineapples).
1/2 c Shredded coconut sweetened
Around 3/4 tsp of salt
1 c Canned mandarin oranges (you could segment clementines and it might be a bit better but who has the time)
1/2 c Maraschino Cherries feel free to add more but the more cherries the pinker your ambrosia.
1 c Pineapple chunks

First mix the sour cream and whipped cream until well blended
Add all the white stuff. Coconut, salt, and mini marshmallows then mix well.
Add all of your WELL DRAINED fruit. If it's liquidy then your ambrosia won't ever set just right.
Give it a good stir and see what you've got. For the most part the above measurements are a suggestion. If you like pineapples more then mandarin oranges then add more of one and less of the other. It should have a pretty thick layer of the whip/sour cream mix because this will set up and thicken a good bit while in the fridge. If it looks a bit dry then just add some more white stuff. Sour cream makes it tangier and the whip makes it more light and fluffy.

After it's all done throw it in the pyrex and chill it for at least an hour. After just sit back and enjoy.

I have heard tales about *others* doing crazy things like toasting their coconut and adding chopped walnuts and some even substitue canned fruit cocktail for the self mixed ingredients. The first two are pretty yummy I must admit but I draw the line at mushy fruit cocktail in heavy syrup. Yuck. Good luck and happy ambrosia eating!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

I heart trip advisor!

I just wanted to say that I have found my new online home. Trip Advisor is the place for me. I just go and type in the restaurant, hotel, or what not and offer my very strong opinions. Then they send me an appreciative e-mail for reviewing. Which is something that I love to do anyway. guys should go and try it. It's a real power trip hehe

Oh for the love of the Hotel Gods....who took away the continental breakfast?

With TGs husbands recent deployment(God keep him safe)she has decided to come back to the Hoosier state for the duration. Since she's coming here from...where?...oh that's right Hawaii I only feel slightly sorry for her ladies and gents because it's a whopping 43 degrees here right now and my recently Floridian self is about to curl into my mink and hibernate for the winter while her Hawaiian self is coming here on purpose.

Any who we decided to have a few ladies weekends out in true southern bombshell style. I'm talkin 5 Diamond rated hotels and football games girls! The only things that really matter....I'm just kidding...really....about the hotels that is.

So here is my thing about hotels. I'm a picky picky priss when it comes to staying in a bed other then my own(my own is perfect dontcha know). TG is in a realm far far beyond picky. Since she is the ultimate online bidder on those travel sites she can afford to be that way. She saved something crazy like 68% on our hotel stays while we were there. A real southern bombshell knows how to get the Caddy for the price of the Pinto if you know what I mean and TG has made an art of the bargain! Me being the granddaughter of the crazy southern gran has stayed in her share of Super Hell's and Motel 666's during the long treks between Indiana and Alabama so while I love those fancy places I can make the best of the dive(easily snuck into pools for example). Also being a budgeting kind of gal I expect a lot for my hard earned(or gifted) cash. I still want the Louis Vuitton but I'm going to buy it pre-loved and save a fortune plus the added benefit of not looking like nouveau riche otherwise known as the neeavah reeech...until now that is. So back to hotels as far as they go I am just dying to know why the majority of the very fancy and very pricy hotels we stayed at offered no Continental breakfast. Call me cheap if you must but at $300+ per night I think we have payed for some reconstituted eggs and do it yourself Belgian waffles with the occasional mushy banana thrown in. I mean really if the Holiday Inn Express/Hampton/Baymont clan can throw it in why can't the others?

Now the following Inn was the exception. If you ever go to Charleston you MUST stay at the Vendue Inn. Bid on it, sell your first born if you have too then relish every second of your stay because it is A-mazing. If you are into the super modern, sharp angled kinda place you might overlook the provincial appearance of this genteel establishment but if you are a southern gal...this is the next best thing to the plantation. I am talking about first rate service where they say "miss/madam" and don't do the tres tacky calling of the guest by their first name thing. Daily turn down service(Charleston Chew on your pillow anyone), wine and Hors d'oeuvre cocktail hour, and cookies and milk before bed. Not to mention the icing on the cake *complementary* made to order hot breakfast. Prices range from $175-$355, with the master bidder we paid around $190 a night for the $325 suite. They have cute little bellboys in cute little outfits. They park your car and bring it around for you when you need it. When you bring back that 32 inch pizza from Giovanni's at 3am they will wrap it and put it in the fridge for you. The single not so fun thing was the lack of a pool and seeing as you are only 20 min from the ocean I quickly got over this fact. Also there was a rooftop bar...I'm just saying us gals love our cocktails. This is also a historic building and they give you a very nice and perfectly short(unlike this post) tour and history of the building when you check in. I am a bad phone photo operator so this is just a taste please go see their website for real adult photos.

Oh yes those are the magical 70% down 30% feather pillows,and my oh my yes that is a real antique four poster canopy bed. The only reproductions were the dressers.
The bathroom was nothing to sneeze at either. Real oil painting on the wall, modern fixtures(rain head shower) and luxury toiletries. Fantastic robes if you forget yours.

We stopped and ate at the required slider hot spot White's not Krystal's or Powers if your from the Fort Wayne area but it's still dang good.
Next it was time to check in at the Omni Severin in Indianapolis. This was a very nice hotel. We stayed at it for the close proximity to the stadium but honestly for $350 a night I would have rather stayed at the Hilton or the Ramada, walked an extra block and enjoyed the extra amenities because unfortunately the Omni offers very few. It's $27+ to park your car there per day(and no there is not other's parking garages only downtown) No breakfast....or candies....but they do have apples in the lobby...I'm not sure if they are available to be eaten but seeing as how the snickers in the room was $6 I'm sure they "will be billed to your room upon checkout". The in room coffee was Wolfgang Pucks...or Wolfgang Yucks as I will now call it. Give me Starbucks or Folgers or Cafe du Monde anything but this acidic sludge. The old, not quaint, old pool closes at 10pm or earlier if they feel like locking the door.

Pretty room though. Nice bedding, decent toiletries(surprisingly refreshed daily) and fantastic view from our room. My favorite thing about this hotel was the staff. All smiley and happy and helpful. No attitudes here and even the maids were friendly and great.
This was another of my favorite features of this hotel, what a beautiful chandelier...I just adore a good chandelier and nice drapes.

So if you keep up with Yankee teams then you know the Colts lost by a smidge to those wily steelers. It was heartbreaking with the season they have been having but I'm betting they are going to whip Tampa hind end next week. They had the National Guard and volunteers unroll this field sized flag during the national anthem when the girl sang "Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave" they made it wave. I was close to tears.

On the way back we did the necessary big chicken thing.'s mandatory, if you drive back from Indy you simply must pull over and take a picture with the big chicken. If you don't do it your car will pull itself over to it like some kind of strange magnetic field.

Umm I'm wondering why my jeans look acid washed because I'm pretty sure I have never owned acid washed anything(excluding my throat after that Wolfgang yucky)

Monday, August 29, 2011

Just another magic Monday

I have so many things to do today that I just don't know where to start. I did some major slacking over the weekend and didn't get a thing done. This morning I have an interview for a part time receptionist position(crossing my's at a BMW dealership). So naturally that means manicure, hair setting, and picking out the perfect outfit. I'm thinking my mint green cashmere short sleeve sweater with my black Tahari skirt. Then the usual pearls and diamond studs. Then after the interview it's back to the so very unglamorous tasks of house cleaning and dinner fixing. I believe we are going to have pinto beans and rice with the leftover ham from the other night. It's been kind of a ham-o-rama around here lately. When I make a roast of some sort I try my best to use every bit of it. For breakfast I used a bit of the chopped ham for grits. I added cheese, ham, salt, pepper, garlic, onion, and a bit of butter.
With that I had my usual coffee.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Just another sleepless night

So I'm sitting here, still awake at....well I won't mention what hour.... watching Jimmy Carter quotes on youtube. On the sidebar there are all kinds of videos of people booing our president and his wife. Now let me preface this by saying I am not an Obama supporter. I realize that he walked into a mess and it would be unrealistic of us to expect him to snap his fingers and have it all fixed, buuutttt I also think that a lot of his campaigning was focused on him dangling things in front of us that we were never going to have. At least not during his term in office. I was also highly offended by the Obamas stating that they lived in a "small bungalow" in Chicago, when it's really a three story traditional home. Anyone who's ever tried to purchase or rent decent real estate in Chicago knows there is no such thing as a multistory bungalow. Any who, I watched a few of these and am just shocked beyond words. In one case Obama is talking about a lady with breast cancer and her horrible insurance situation and some boy(really an apx 28 year old) has the nerve to start trying to boo and shout over the president! I mean really! If you don't like the president that's all well and fine but how about you show a little basic decency and respect for the seriousness of the conversation. Last time I checked this was not an open floor debate for you personal thoughts.(hello that's what blogging is for..duh) Not to mention why are you somewhere Obama is speaking if you don't care to hear what he has to say? Didn't his mama teach him THE RULE? You know..if you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut!(usually delivered with a firm tap on the behind)

See I'm thinking back to the time I was at a circus and this kid behind me had this big plastic sword. He kept wackin me in the back of the head with it(he should have been wackin his mama.....I bet she would have put an end to it then). Now I'm wishin I would have been seated behind this loud mouth with said sword. I think he needs a few know just to remind him of his manners.

The other video that floored me was when Mrs.Obama was at some sporting event and when she was introduced an entire section of the stadium booed. WHAT IS THAT? Who boos a lady in public? I might not like their politics but I appreciate the fact that Mrs.Obama is always appropriate. In this age of pantie-less displays and out right vulgarity I appreciate some lady like mannerisms. Who are these people acting like heathens in public and why did nobody ever teach them how to act?

I have said it before and I will continue to say it. As a parent your job is to make your child into a productive, well adjusted, successful adult. It is possible to have a good relationship with your child without being "best friends forever". My mama frequently tells me that I'm going to be a "mean mommy" because of my lack of tolerance for certain things. Like bad manners, there is simply no excuse because good manners are taught and learned not some genetic mutation. School is going to be another sticking point for me. If I am willing to sit down with you and help you and work with you then you sure as all get out better be willing to put in an equal amount of effort. I know that my future children won't always be perfect but they will only know what you teach them and what they glean from the outside world. The parents are the only defense and stable building blocks they have and if you are going to have the kids then it's your responsibility to do right by them.

Ok stepping off my soap box and going to bed now....nighty night!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Time to start building

Today I am a bit of a blogging fiend. I have been away for some time and have just recently re-devoted myself to this. There is a new look that's still under construction but it's making headway.

With my recent unintentional relocation I have decided that it is time to "get things in line"....I can be heard saying this at least 10 times an hour(please pray for my mama, sis, and beau). My extreme personality lends itself to either full devotion to one thing until it's finished or to completely ignore the offending issue. I am one of those people that just can't "let things go". This is good and bad. I get stuff done, but others usually don't enjoy it while it's happening. I have three main issues that I am tackling right now. First after finding out about my sisters dismal grades from last year(hello....who fails phys ed?) I have been like a dog with a bone about her school work. My mother has had a nasty couple of years and she has just not been in a place where she is able to deal with this. I was no prize in high school and I just don't think she can face another surly teen. It's easier for her to just ignore it(wonder who I get that mindset from). I however am ready to wage war on this school work thing. You can imagine how happy my sis is to find me hovering over her demanding to see school work done before anything fun starts happening. While I may be driving her slowly insane I can see the pride she feels when the teacher brings her project up as a good example or she gets a great grade on something. We won't talk about the look on her face when I decided to go to open house and sign up for the PTO. I'm sure you can imagine.

The other thing that's been prayin' on my mind is the fact that while we have lived in this house for the last 9 years we never really "moved in". We have yet to finish painting a single room or to even try to decorate something. At first it was because we were always two months from moving again, then it was just pure lazy. I have slowly started to remedy this.

Behold the first finished bit of the house. The living room fire place. The back wall is library green and the other items are things I've found here and there. The vase was my Grandmothers, the roses were one of the first gifts from my beau. The only thing that's not right is the carpet. That's the last thing on my list because unfortunately that hideous rose color is through the entire house and all the flooring needs to be replaced. We won't talk about the commercial grade tile in the kitchen(how embarrassing to have your kitchen tile match the tile in your school..ick ick)I'm also not in love with that chair.

Up next we have the almost finished powder room. This terracotta color is one of the few ones that my mother and I both adore. It's a great earthy color that's not too dark. The frame on the back wall has been in my fathers family since the 1800's and it's filled with this lovely bubbly leaded glass. The pics on the opposite wall are some my neighbors from Florida gave me. I don't love them but they match the wall color so perfectly. The only thing I hate about this room is the vanity mirror. The same person who picked the carpet decided to put tacky etched mirrors in every bathroom. I'm hoping to find something chunky in natural wood with antique mirror in it. You know the kind with the worn silver on the edges.
I am so proud of re-purposing this curtain. I found it balled up in one of my unorganized auction boxes and did a bit of sewing to make it fit.

I am trying to get every room organized and set up, then I will go back and paint. My bedroom is done in pinks, greens, and blues with a lot of vintage botanical prints. I am slightly addicted to florals and stripes. The guest room is going to be pale blue and brown with a grey/lavender accent. The upstairs bath in hopefully a light Tiffany blue and white with black deco accents. I am hoping for a pale butter yellow for the kitchen and the same for the front office(previously the dinning room), and a slightly more beige version for the hallways. The only one I don't know about yet is the laundry room. To go happy and bright or to just meld with the hallway. Hopefully this will all look eclectic and decorated and not just like a hot mess.

The third and final thing on my to do list is to get this Ebay business started. I have slowly but surely been colletion inventory but we haven't gotten much of it listed yet. We have been slacking and hopefully will fix that in the near future.

Wish me luck!

The best easy chilli recipe ever!

If you are anything like me you probably have those two or three really phenomenal chilli recipes in your recipe box. However if they are anything like mine they are sure to require plenty of time in a pot or a slow cooker. Sometimes we like it slow cooked and sometimes we just want it fast. For those times when you just need to throw it together this is the best recipe I have tasted. To make it even more perfect for those of us on a budget(what a dirty word)it's incredibly cost effective. You get a large pot of it for under $10 dollars as long as you have some basic seasonings in your pantry.(As a good southern girl I'm sure your mama taught you the basics to have on hand)

The first thing I start with is 1lb of ground beef. It's always best to find yourself a good reliable butcher so you can be sure you are getting the best, and we all want the best right? They are usually able to offer better quality meat for the price since that's what they specialize in. If you become a regular friendly type of customer(sugar cookies at Christmas time anyone?)sometimes you can even get that extra "friends" discount. You can use whatever fat ratio you like but I stick around 80/20. I just hate dry meat! Everything else in this dish is low cal and low fat so we can afford a higher fat meat. Start browning this beef at medium heat.
Now for the spices and beans. Start with peeled and crushed tomatoes, add dark red kidney beans, and pre-seasoned chilli beans. You can choose hot or mild. I made this batch with mild since we don't have a lot of heat lovers in the house. After the beans and tomatoes we can start with spices. Turmeric, season salt, ground black pepper, red pepper flakes, Tabasco sauce, a small onion and one garlic clove(more if you are a garlic lover and not plannin on givin any sugars today) and one packet of McCormick s chilli mix once again the heat factor is your choice.
Chop your onion into smallish bits.
At this point your ground beef should be about 90% cooked, which is what we are going for. Go ahead and drain it then toss it back in your pot.
Now you need to add your onions and crush your clove/s of garlic. Toss this in the heat for a second.
Now it starts looking like chilli. Add your crushed tomatoes, and both things of beans. I just eyeball my spices, around a 1/2 ts of turmeric 1/4 tsp season salt, black ground pepper to taste, and a sprinkle of Tabasco and red pepper flakes. Don't forget your McCormick spice packet either.

Cook this over high medium heat for about ten minuets, stirring occasionally.
These are the last two steps. I add(it sounds weird just trust me)ketchup and mustard, around a table spoon of each. Then I start adding chilli powder until I get the desired taste. Just keep adding and tasting until you get that flavor you want.

Let that come to a quick simmer and you are done! Just add the desired toppings. I personally like a mound of cheddar cheese and a scoop of sour cream.

It's not unusual for me to make a double batch of this and freeze half of it. It makes a great party dip. Just spread one softened box of cream cheese in a pan, add chilli on top, cover with cheddar or Mexican cheese and bake until bubbly. Serve with tortilla chips. Or throw some thawed chilli in a blender until it's a bit chopped up and serve over all beef hotdogs(from the butcher, we have all heard those hotdog horror stories)to make your own coney dogs. I may sort of, kind of , sometimes substitute ground turkey for the beef. With the recent ground turkey recall I haven't done that lately but I have done it frequently in the past and nobody has ever called me on it. Once its cooked with the spices you just plain can't tell the difference.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

oh Sunday how bittersweet you are.

Just sitting here on this lovely Sunday night, eating the delish sliders that the beau fried up. (Gahd I love everything fried). Made even better by my glass of Shiraz and Sex and the City movie playing. I have loved those ladies since the beginning. Rarely do so many of my favorite acting stars both men and women get together.

I must say that I very much needed to be pampered tonight after my chaotic work day. I knew it was going to be a whopper of a day when the first thing I noticed upon entering the building was the lack of lights.....or should I say electricity. ON FATHERS DAY!! One of our very busy days. Needless to say the wine and fatty fried food(that I didn't have to cook) were neccesary in order for me to recover my hospitality.

I'm thinking a super bubbly bath then deep restful slumber. Then maybe a trip to the beloved lancome outlet in the morning.........just maybe. Nothing like a little economy stimulation to start the day off right. Well that and some supper yummy coffee.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

splat goes the bombshell

I'm unfortunately having one of those weeks that scream for pitching a fit.....aka lying on my pristine(haha with these dogs and that beaux)kitchen floor with wailin an nashin of the teeth. I'm just about tempted to actually follow through and pitch one instead of just havin my fantasy if only to shock the beaux into SPEAKING(incessantly whinin, nagging, makin me want to fill my ears with red Georgia clay.....mostly cause then I'd be in Georgia instead of the state of which we will not name) of any other subject then this upcoming catastrophe....sorry......move. unfortunately if I did PAF he'd probably just take away the wine(vodka) and Valium(im totally joking.....maybe). The horror the horror! So needless to say for the safety of myself and those around me I will be continually self medicating. Trust me you don't want to be the early bird seeking senior citizen who has the misfortune of being the one to ask for a "quiet booth, close to the bathroom but not in the kitchen or under a vent" just one to many times.

When I was talking(whinin) with my good friend Juicy Girl(her addiction to the juicy couture rivals mine) we realized that women in relationships have a pretty good stress indicater system......SIS if you will.

SIS goes something like this.

1. Outward sign of upset-id-ness happens. Ex minor facial spasams, angry twitch, pursing of lips.

2. Snarky comments and The Look are forthcoming.

3. The fightin words come out. May include ultimatums and or threats.

4. At this point if nobody(us) won the last round now we are "done with y'alls fool asses" as a good friend puts it.

Next comes the remedy

1. A coke, some chocolate, and the latest edition of vogue will do Wonders.

2. Now we are in need of all the above, add ice cream and a good friend.

3. At this point we are callin on the big guns. Cupcake vodka(I'm a Stoli convert) and a Capri ciggy, I know its wrong but there is nothing so calming as a sip a drag and a flick. I know at least a few of you gals know the satisfaction I'm talking about. Something about being able to diminish that long smoky column of ash down to a nub with the tap of the finger is strangely comforting during man trouble.

4. If-in after all the above an acceptable apology has yet to be forthcoming then you know the time has come for the biggest gun of all. Its time to call mama. Nothing like the offer(threat)of going home to lick your wounds(admit relationship failure) will convince you to pull up your big girl britches and figure(fake, make-up, otherwise concoct)a solution.

Vodka, ciggies, men and mamas.........everything in moderation ladies!(did I leave out chocolate? Well we all need a vice"

splat goes the bombshell