I'm unfortunately having one of those weeks that scream for pitching a fit.....aka lying on my pristine(haha with these dogs and that beaux)kitchen floor with wailin an nashin of the teeth. I'm just about tempted to actually follow through and pitch one instead of just havin my fantasy if only to shock the beaux into SPEAKING(incessantly whinin, nagging, makin me want to fill my ears with red Georgia clay.....mostly cause then I'd be in Georgia instead of the state of which we will not name) of any other subject then this upcoming catastrophe....sorry......move. unfortunately if I did PAF he'd probably just take away the wine(vodka) and Valium(im totally joking.....maybe). The horror the horror! So needless to say for the safety of myself and those around me I will be continually self medicating. Trust me you don't want to be the early bird seeking senior citizen who has the misfortune of being the one to ask for a "quiet booth, close to the bathroom but not in the kitchen or under a vent" just one to many times.
When I was talking(whinin) with my good friend Juicy Girl(her addiction to the juicy couture rivals mine) we realized that women in relationships have a pretty good stress indicater system......SIS if you will.
SIS goes something like this.
1. Outward sign of upset-id-ness happens. Ex minor facial spasams, angry twitch, pursing of lips.
2. Snarky comments and The Look are forthcoming.
3. The fightin words come out. May include ultimatums and or threats.
4. At this point if nobody(us) won the last round now we are "done with y'alls fool asses" as a good friend puts it.
Next comes the remedy
1. A coke, some chocolate, and the latest edition of vogue will do Wonders.
2. Now we are in need of all the above, add ice cream and a good friend.
3. At this point we are callin on the big guns. Cupcake vodka(I'm a Stoli convert) and a Capri ciggy, I know its wrong but there is nothing so calming as a sip a drag and a flick. I know at least a few of you gals know the satisfaction I'm talking about. Something about being able to diminish that long smoky column of ash down to a nub with the tap of the finger is strangely comforting during man trouble.
4. If-in after all the above an acceptable apology has yet to be forthcoming then you know the time has come for the biggest gun of all. Its time to call mama. Nothing like the offer(threat)of going home to lick your wounds(admit relationship failure) will convince you to pull up your big girl britches and figure(fake, make-up, otherwise concoct)a solution.
Vodka, ciggies, men and mamas.........everything in moderation ladies!(did I leave out chocolate? Well we all need a vice"